You'll have to excuse me while I write this, I've had a few Magners and I've just been watching "The Accused" but I'd probably write something very similar on any day of the week when this came into my mind. Which it does.

A while ago I sat on a jury for a rape case. The guy got let off, despite having blatantly done it. It's only in retrospect that you realise the mind games and circus that goes on in courts every day.

The not proven verdict in scotland is a whole other issue...it saves a decision being made. So I won't address that here.

My concern is in the selection of jury members. I've sat on a jury twice down to my own interest and lack of protest. They say if you end up on a jury you're too stupid to get out of it. I cannot believe how true this is. The first time I was curious, the second time I didn't feel I had any more right than anyone else to contest it. In fact they were in such close succession that I have since learned that I could probably have gotten away with it on the grounds that I had sat on a jury within the 2 years. Had I been less of a passive bystander.

I don't remember all of the other jurors. But a few stick out in my mind. Sexistly, the three men who had the courage to see the truth and not let their emotions take over. And one fucking stupid woman. Once we'd heard all the evidence and had to come to a verdict she said

"When do we find out if he did it or not?"

I think she thought she was on TV. I wish this was some sort of joke or exaggeration...but its not. This is the standard of people that attend for jury duty. This is the level of intelligence and understanding that these people have.

All the women in the room voted for not proven. I'd have thought I'd never make a sexist comment or emphasise gender for a woman's weakness but they saw a young good-looking guy and a messed up wee girl and decided not to ruin his life. Their decision had nothing to do with what they thought had or had not taken place. The feeling was that her life was ruined and they could ruin his as well...or not. Given that decision understandably you wouldn't make two bads from one.

Especially where there is doubt. No matter what the circumstances if he pleads consent, that level of doubt is sufficient in the jury's mind to send them away from the desirable definate that he did it.

Yes he had sex with a woman in a bush, steaming drunk having not met her before....but that's not rape...cos women do that. Some women...well I mean its possible...not me I mean I wouldn't...none of my friends would...but these youngsters today....you don't know what they get up to. They're all up for it. He's good-looking, of course she'd want to fuck him in a bush.

These people were sitting in that room convincing themselves that bad things like this don't happen.

But of course this is my diary and it all comes back to me. I made an observation about a piece of evidence...my take on it as a possibility. I made the mistake of sharing this with the other jury members and it cemented a few people's decisions.

I should have learned my lesson a few years ago when I realised how influenced they were by things said in the room as well as in the court. Speculation.

But I didn't, and I let some loose thoughts and speculation pour out.

In the end I was the last one to vote, it didn't matter what I said, there were too many 'not proven's' for my vote to make a difference. So I went with the crowd and stuck my hand up for not proven.

I couldn't help thinking that I just didn't have enough time to think. All they wanted was to get the hell out and back to their lives. No concern for the poor girl. Or the fact that rape is a punishmentless crime.

There should be professional jurors. People trained to keep their own tears inside, unlike these women. People who are paid to be there so don't want a sharp exit. People, unlike me, who are trained not to speculate. I am trained TO speculate!

Its a farce. And sometimes I look at his bebo page and learn things like the fact that he has become a father and I can't help but wonder what happened to the girl. I only hope that the guilt tortures him as it does me. And that one day we get the legal system into a state where criminals can actually be punished.

Rape - May 10, 2008
Reflections 2007 - January 02, 2008
xmasrant - December 28, 2007
Ambitions. - September 09, 2007
A Tuba and a Hail Run - January 02, 2007